People Text, Even I Do Her, The Woman I Mean
by magentacr
Summary: Slight Spoilers for The Lying Detective, but hardly. Sherlock admits to having text Irene back a few times over the years, here's how those texts could have gone.


_AN: Just a quick one (since I know I'm supposed to be working on something else) but I was intrigued by Irene's textual appearance in The Lying Detective and Sherlock's admission that he does sometimes text her back, so here for you guys is my idea of those texts._

 _No copyright infringement intended, I own nothing._

* * *

 _0748 961 200_

 _13/03/2012_

Thanks for sending my old phone back to me, love, but as you see I have a new one. This one has better security, and a more obscure password, as per your suggestion. Even you couldn't crack it ;)

 _Received 10:21_

Give me 10 minutes with it.

 _Sent 10:12_

 _Add New Contact_

 _\- Name: The Woman_

 _\- Set Ringtone_

 _The Woman_

 _17/03/2012_

Just read John's new blog post. You tried to drug him! What are friends for, eh? The things I used to use on Kate... Well, I could give you a demonstration, if you like ;)

 _Received 19:52_

 _The Woman_

 _26/7/2012_

I spotted you in the market in Budapest today. Of course I suspected the rumours of your death were greatly exaggerated, but nice to have my suspicions confirmed. Not a very good disguise though, you're not worried someone else may recognise you?

 _Received 17:34_

The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight. But you already knew that.

 _Sent 17:35_

I managed to stay out of your sight.

 _Received 17:35_

You were by the fish stall in a white blouse and red sun hat. You bought three pounds of oysters, clearly for dinner with a wealthy client.

 _Sent 17:36_

There's some left over, if you're interested ;)

 _Received 22:20_

 _The Woman_

 _5/10/2012_

Nice work in New Delhi.

 _Received 12:41_

 _The Woman_

 _25/12/2012_

Merry Christmas. Sorry no present this year, though if you're in the area I wouldn't mind being unwrapped ;)

 _Received 21:20_

 _The Woman_

 _19/3/2013_

In Hamburg, there's an investigation going on here you might enjoy. It's in the news, search for the Trepoff murder. Might be worth your time.

 _Received 13:04_

 _The Woman_

 _21/3/2013_

Knew you couldn't resist! Dinner, while you're in the area?

 _Received 10:40_

 _The Woman_

 _2/6/2013_

Today is my birthday, did you know? I'm 31.

 _Received 18:42_

No 34.

 _Sent 18:43_

Okay, you got me. How about dinner to celebrate?

 _Received 18:43_

Not really practical since we're on different continents.

 _Sent 18:44_

You lack imagination Mr Holmes. Haven't you ever heard of sexting?

 _Received 18:45_

This conversation ends now.

 _Sent 18:45_

Spoilsport. So when is your birthday? I'll have to make sure I'm in the area.

 _Received 18:46_

I will find out you know ;)

 _Received 18:51_

 _The Woman_

 _5/8/2013_

Just seen a man wearing a deerstalker, and here I thought you were the only one who wears them anymore.

 _Received 14:02_

 _The Woman_

 _30/11/2013_

I need to call in a favour. How soon can you be in Kiev?

 _Sent 12:06_

I thought you'd never ask ;) First thing tomorrow. What should I be wearing?

 _Received 12:10_

Doesn't matter, just bring your gun.

 _Sent 12:11_

Kinky ;)

 _Received 12:12_

Behave.

 _Sent 12:12_

 _The Woman_  
 _2/12/2013_

Sorry I had to run, but you seemed to have it all under control. This was fun, we should do it again sometime.

 _Received 22:04_

 _The Woman_

 _6/1/2014_

Happy Birthday! Told you I'd find out. Dinner?

 _Received 17:00_

 _The Woman_

 _10/5/2014_

I think I need a new look, do you think short hair would suit me?

 _Received 11:07_

 _[Picture Message Received]_

 _13:52_

What do you think?

 _Received 13:52_

 _The Woman_

 _12/8/2014_

A friend just sent me a picture of you in Montenegro, looks like you've let yourself go a bit. Still would though ;)

 _Received 16:21_

 _The Woman_

 _5/10/2015_

I heard you were captured by the Serbs, all part of the plan?

 _Received 9:47_

 _The Woman_

 _6/10/2014_

Sherlock? Please tell me you're alright, I've had dealings with Antonije Borsko and know he is not a man you want to be on the wrong side of.

 _Received 19:24_

Sherlock if I don't hear from you in 24 hours I'm coming to rescue you.

 _Received 20:21_

 _The Woman_

 _8/10/2014_

I see I'm not the only one who decided to come after you. Good thing I do my homework before rushing in, wouldn't have wanted to run into the ice man.

 _Received 14:21_

 _The Woman_

 _4/11/2014_

So, you're back in the world of the living. I'm pleased for you, really, not all of us have the opportunity to go back. I'm still here though, anytime you need me, for help or for dinner ;)

 _Received 8:38_

 _The Woman_

 _6/1/2015_

Happy Birthday. Dinner? I'll keep asking until you say yes you know.

 _Received 18:05_

 _The Woman_

 _10/6/2015_

Okay, seriously, an elephant in an apartment in Central London? Official secrets act be damned, you've got to tell me about it!

 _Received 17:42_

 _The Woman_

 _11/8/2015_

So, John is married now? Found some pictures online, his new wife looks... nice. You looked dashing of course in your best man suit. Must feel like the end of an era for you two.

 _Received 18:02_

Why do people keep saying that?

 _Sent 18:03_

Oo, touchy subject?

 _Received 18:04_

What makes you say that? I was merely pointing out the coincidence that you are not the first person to say such a thing to me. Doesn't mean it has to be a 'touchy subject'.

 _Sent 18:05_

Because you replied. You know if you're feeling lonely we could always meet up for dinner?

 _Received 18:06_

 _The Woman_

 _2/11/2015_

LOL! Excuse the term, but Miss Hawkin's stories about you are really rather laughable in both senses. What on earth did you do to the poor girl?

 _Received 13:59_

 _The Woman_

 _26/12/2015_

Thank you. For Charles. I know you were probably doing it for someone else, but you have no idea how much I appreciate being out from under him.

 _Received 12:18_

 _The Woman_

 _6/1/2016_

Happy Birthday. Just so you know, I've been in touch with my old contacts after hearing about the broadcast and no one has heard anything about Moriarty being back. But I'm sure you're on the case.

 _Received 16:41_

 _The Woman_

 _29/1/2016_

And a baby now too, John has been busy hasn't he? Does that make you Uncle Sherlock? Please tell me you at least suggested Irene as a baby name ;)

 _Received 15:02_

 _The Woman_

 _8/5/2016_

That's a perfectly good cover blown in Olso. Any suggestions for a new name? I quite like Yolanda. I definitely need to go someplace warmer next, I've had quite enough of snow.

 _Received 21:39_

 _The Woman_

 _27/9/2016_

You were in Morocco and didn't think to text me? We could have had dinner.

 _Received 18:42_

 _The Woman_

 _6/1/2017_

Happy Birthday. Dinner?

 _Received 17:41_

* * *

 _AN: Phew, formatting took ages, still not quite what I had in mind, but it'll have to do. And I was guessing a bit at the timeline, hope it makes sense. Reviews appreciated :)_


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